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On a more personal level...
High School. It can be the most memorable years of your life, just another four years, or hell. For me, it was just there.I just went through those years. I'd learned my lesson by then; nobody likes a clingy little fool. I became a loner by choice, joining with people only if they asked, offering my opinion in a low voice as if it weren't worth anything, just a stupid comment. I'm still that way; I can't speak out my thoughts without allowing someone to interrupt me and allowing them, since I know their comments are more welcome. I just can't get close to anybody; I will never again cling to someone like I tried to do because I know they will reject me. It's so difficult for me to keep friends; I have a few now that I'm so scared to lose, but can't open myself up enough to face. And I don't think that'll ever change.
High school, as I said, came and went. Then college started. I'd always heard it was different in college; people accepted you for who you were, not for what you used to be, or how you used to be thought of. I decided the best thing for me would be to go away to college, get out of the shelter of my parents, whom I love extraordinarly much, and see if I could handle being on my own.
I can never thank God enough for what he has done in my life.
For the first time in eleven years, I had a best friend. It started out small; a common interest, which she started me in on yet again. We're the same major, with similar future interests, so we have the same classes too; we walk to class together and hang out together. It's utterly impossible for me to hang around her too long; I feel like I'm clinging and think that she'd rather be with someone else that comes along, and leave them without saying goodbye. But we're still friends, perhaps not as close as some but that's totally my fault; I don't think I'll ever fully open my heart to anyone again, and that has me scared about any future relationships I'll have.
College helped me to open up: that, and the new wardrobe my sister helped me pick out. I never knew they had stuff that cute in my size. And when did the prices go up so high!? I now have friends of all types, guys and girls, and I'm very happy. I never stopped being sweet; I'm as nice as I ever was, but I'm too cautious to step out in anything without knowing I won't get hurt in the process. I've gone out on "dates" (they weren't dates, just activities with our wing where our roommates asked out a guy we liked or just a friend to go to something our dorm wing would plan), gone to movies with friends, done many of the things I've always wanted to do but never had the friends to do them with.
College has opened so many new horizons for me; there are so many others like me. Perhaps they didn't have my experiences, but I'm not alone in loving model horses, or having lived in Germany for four years of my life, or living in California. I'm unique, but now I have others who share aspects of my uniqueness, and I am...content. I have no significant other, just myself, but for now I can live with that. I dread falling in love with somebody and them leaving me, and have the feeling it will take a very special man to get through the barriers I've erected around my heart: I just pray to God that he doesn't leave me or reject me in some way.
My future goals to become a veterinarian are getting hazy. I am unsure whether, with my grades, I'll ever be able to do such a thing. However, I could see myself as a writer, especially a science fiction or romance writer (or a combination of the two). Maybe I'll write a book about my life, and it'll become one of those Newberry Award Books that depress the crap out of people. Mine will have a happy ending, of course; everything I do has to have one of those, no matter how my story ends up. Something in my life has to go right; the girl has to get the man she loves, and vice versa. Reality isn't always the best thing in life.