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I'm not sure if you've been keeping up with this site, but if you have you might know of the secret I kept from my parents for about four or five weeks. I love my parents more than anything in this world; well, and my sister too, but she's not in this discussion right now. My parents mean more to me than anything else as well, which is why when I got an F in my chemistry lab I was scared to face their disapproval.
The stupid thing was, the whole ordeal was my fault. I failed the class, not because it was hard (although yes, it was), but because I was too stupid and didn't even do some of the papers. And even when I did them, I remember once making the conscious decision not to turn it in even when it was in my hand right there in the class, not three feet from the turn-in box. I failed the class, and it was my fault; and I knew it would devastate my parents.
Well, this past Friday my grades were finally faxed to me from the school, and I knew I couldn't put it off anymore. You don't know what it was like for me, keeping this secret that would earn my parents disapproval and total sadness, living normally and as jokingly as I always am: I was downright clinically depressed sometimes. I'd look at my mom and know it would hit her the worst. But I was wrong: my dad, who had to work his butt off for the education got, who is footing my huge loans to a private college now, an education I'm squandering because of my ultimate stupidity, was hit the hardest of all. When I gave him the papers, he quietly asked me why, and when I told him it was my fault and that I didn't turn in the reports, he seemed to accept it but told me he was disappointed in me. It got so much worse when my mom told me she saw him in the bedroom just staring at the paper, as if unable to come to the conclusion that his smart and perfect daughter (I'm not extolling myself, this is what I am to him) could make herself get an F in a class, no matter how small.
My mom was extremely saddened too, but she and I had this long talk where she played psychologist and tried to get me to understand just WHY I did this to myself. All I could think of is that, at the time, I just didn't want to turn them in. She didn't like the answer, but frankly neither did I. It's kind of scary, that I have a mindset like that in the little things like chem lab; what will it be like in the real world?
Things are back to normal now; my dad even makes jokes about my failing my chem lab. But I know it's still topmost in their minds; it's only been two days since I dropped the bombshell, and they love me enough that they know that this will effect my future horrendously, and they're scared for me. I'm scared for me; I've got a 2.6 GPA, and I want to get into Veterinary School. Well, I hate to admit this, but good luck to me! Unless I ace my entrance tests (sort of like the MCAT for veterinarians), get an immense number of references from other vets, and get perfect scores all throughout the next two years, I don't stand a chance in Heaven of getting in. And I've got a lot in the next few years, so it's no good there. *sigh*
Well, enough about myself (although that IS what this is for!). I've done quite a bit to the site in the last few days, such as add a contact page, added an HTML tutorial (that I'm still working on), a writing tips page, and a page for all (1) of my artwork. I'm always doing more though; once I get PSP working again (if ever!), I'm going to be doing a lot more in coming times (whenever I think of a lot more). I've got this section I've been thinking of called aspects; I've just been wondering how to set it up. When I do you'll see what it is. Another thing I've added (and kept adding to, happily) is my review page for books. I might expand it to more someday, but for now it's just books. Can't think of anything else I'd like to add, so ciao! :-)